We trotted out of the lift, dressed in our finery, to meet our photographer Clare. She was busy chatting to an older, blonde woman at the bar so we wandered over. When she saw us Clare announced to the woman: "Here are my models". The woman turned to us and smiled and in a loud and sure voice said "Oh yes, here are the Mums-to-be."
Now you would think that being mistaken as pregnant would bother someone immensely. Make them feel fat and awful. But thing is, I have been mistaken for pregnant before. All my life I have had a good, round, shapely belly. When I saw Pulp Fiction for the first time and heard Maria de Medeiros telling Bruce Willis all about her secret desire for a pot belly I was stoked. "Yayahh! I have an awesome pot belly, bitches!" I chortled. To make things even more fun, ever since I was about 12 I have had issues with bloating during that special time of the month. And these days after having two kids, this wonderful bloating now happens twice a month! Yep, turns out ovulation is even more bloat inducing than menstruation. (And just for the record, it was the week of the latter when this "pregnancy" incident occurred).
What did happen was this: "Mmmmm." said Mariana as she hummed in agreement. And then the penny dropped. Her face changed and took on the appearance of a slapped bottom. "Wait! WHAT? What did you say?" Mariana looked as if she was going to kill her in the foyer of The Langham and not even bother to bury her body. She said, "NOOOO! We are NOT MUMS TO BE!" It was but for the grace of God that she did not say BITCH at the end of the sentence.
The woman's face drained white with shock and then filled crimson with embarrassment. She immediately started babbling something about a pre-natal morning tea on at the hotel today, about my cute baby-doll dress, about not wearing her glasses, all the while her hand stretched out to touch my (not pregnant) belly.
I laughed it off. Saying things like "Oh I get that a lot!" and "It's all the wheat I've been eating. It bloats me!" and the like. Mariana meanwhile still fuming, regardless of the fact it was ME she had called pregnant.
We laughed the whole thing off (by 'we' I mean Clare and I) and headed for the lift, off to the pool to take our photos. As the lift doors closed I uttered simply: "I should've worn my shapewear".
"I did fucking wear mine!" said Mariana. Further proof that the woman was indeed, speaking to me.
Shapewear. Does it really make a difference? I have been far too guilty of wondering this. And more often than not I have dared to go without. Why? I don't really know. I suppose I always think it will be uncomfortable. That the bits that need a-squeezin' in will protest in pain. That the shapewear will ride up or pinch. Or that it wont really make much of a difference. This could be because in the past I have always opted for cheep cheerful shapewear that is actually not very cheerful at all. But luckily Nancy Ganz came to my rescue.
The true test of course is how it all looks when the top layer goes on. I pulled on my "pregnant dress" and was instantly surprised! Like magic my pregnant belly had been sucked in. Where the dress had clung firmly in now draped loosely. And the best part was that I could barely even feel it being sucked in!
I realised that all of a sudden a whole collection of clothes that I'd hidden away in my cupboard because they were deemed too clingy had now been given a new lease on life!
All my life, I have had lumpy bits. I have a curvy rump but sadly it is not as well formed as that of Nicki Minaj or J-Lo. From the side it's okay, and from the back, no trouble. But from the front? Yeah well lets just say that if I dare to wear a maxi dress it looks like I am trying to smuggle a kitten directly under each hip! So needless to say I do not wear maxi dresses or any other clothing that draws attention to said kittens.
But now thanks to Nancy Ganz those days are over! Nancy has opened up a new world of clingy knitwear to me, one I had always fawned over but sighed off. Silver knit tunics, drapey frocks, all now a possibility! I hauled out a sparkly blue dress that I found at a thrift shop. I bought it purely cus it was beautiful but I knew that the kittens would always keep me from wearing it, but still, I had to buy it. When I put this dress on over my Nancy Ganz slip, voila! The kittens were gone! And in their place just smooth, sexy curves. I squealed with delight as I went though my entire wardrobe and re-found so many beautiful clothes I had condemmed. It was like going shopping in my own closet. All for the price of one piece of shapewear!
The best thing about Nancy Ganz is that there are styles to suit all shapes. Where ever your kittens may hide, there is a piece of shapewear to smooth them out.