What I didn’t realise that day when I went home and told my mother (who then introduced me to facial bleach cream) was that this was the beginning of a relationship. A relationship between me and my Lady Mo. As the years flew by, friends came and went. My wavy blonde hair grew into a fierce tangle of dark auburn curls. I changed schools and moved house many times, but one thing stayed the same. My Lady Mo was always right there with me, attached to me.
Sure I cursed her name many times. She always made putting make-up on difficult and always managed to catch the light in photos. At school she did me no favours. Fat kids and nerds however, loved Lady Mo, for in her presence they were spared the Bully’s taunts.
When I got older, on nights out drunken boys would point Lady Mo out and hassle her, so I learned up some really good come-backs like “Yeah, I've got more hair on my upper lip than you do in your pants!”
As I reached my 20s and most boys had grown up and learned some respect, the Lady Mo name-calling died down. That was until I went to drama school. No matter how many times me and Lady Mo ‘got it on’ with the facial bleach, she still stood out like dogs bolllocks on camera. My film tutor was above such things and was of the opinion that there should be more women on film with such realistic attributes. Yeah, damn straight! I thought. But alas her opinion was not the norm. It was my fantastically gay head tutor that had the balls to confront me – on paper at least. “ Lisette, you are supremely beautiful! But the moustache just has to go!!!” Poor Lady Mo, I thought. Nobody likes you.
It was about this time that I heard of laser hair removal and considered doing away with Lady Mo for good. Then I found out about the price and reconsidered. I mean what if it didn’t work? All that money for nothing! I mean, I was a very poor actor and artist at this stage so it was either killing Lady Mo or eating for the year. I chose eating. My Mother offered to pay for some electrolysis, probably because she was sick of hearing about old L.M and wanted some peace.
SWEET CANDY IN HEAVEN! Electrolysis hurts! I mean yeah I guess if a needle is being inserted into your hair follicle and then electric current is being then sent down that needle electrocuting the hair follicle until the hair is released it is likely to hurt. But Holy Toledo! I was there for an hour (paid $70.00) and even then little bits of Lady Mo lingered. I was told to come back about five more times at least within the next few months to see a good result. I didn’t. And soon Lady Mo returned.
For years, Lady Mo and I co-existed in relative peace. I sometimes would complain to my partner about her and he would tell me I was being silly and that “There’s nothing even there!” I loved him for lying.
Then one day I spotted a sign on a building offering ‘Affordable Laser Hair Removal’. “Yeah right!” I snorted. “I’d only need to take out one mortgage on our house you mean?” But I was pleasantly surprised! At Courtenay Cosmetic Clinic they make a point of offering laser hair removal at affordable prices. That’s right. Laser hair removal is no longer something reserved for Kardashians!
I attended a free consultation so my technician Sandra could assess that my skin and hair colours were suitable for treatment. As the laser targets the pigment in the hair, it is most suitable for people with fair skin and dark hair. That suited me! The laser in question was the Candela GentleLASE Alexandrite laser, which just happened to be the perfect laser for my skin type. People with darker skin may still be eligible for laser hair removal but there are more risks involved, such as increased hair growth and hypopigmentation. However there are other lasers that are better suited to darker skin types like the Diode laser.
Then Sandra told me about the price. This was the best part! For four pre-payed sessions of Lady Mo zapping it would only cost $160.00!!!! And as most people require about four to eight treatments to achieve a desired result, I could be free of Lady Mo permanently for only $320.00! I couldn’t believe it! There must be a catch. Surely it is too good to be true. I asked Sandra how long permanent was. She explained that it was hard to say because people stop coming back once they have finished treatment so that was really all she had to go on. But, that I thought was probably a good sign in itself, right?
I was sold. But first I wanted to check that I wasn’t going to regret my decision. What if Lady Mo grew back with a vengeance? What if Lady Mo left but I was scarred for life? Burned somehow by the laser. So I did my homework. I did heaps of research on realself.com and got some great feedback from forums. I decided it was time to say goodbye to Lady Mo. Was there a tiny chance something could go wrong? Yes. But was it worth the risk? Absolutely.
I was a bit nervous. I was told that laser treatment would feel a bit like “being hit repeatedly with a little rubber band”. That description was pretty much accurate, though I would add that it feels like a burning hot rubber band that gets hotter when darker thicker hairs are treated.
It only took about five minutes. As Sandra zapped away at Lady Mo I felt like crying. No, not from the pain but because I felt both; sad to say goodbye to something that had defined me for so long and also so freaking happy to be saying goodbye!
Sandra carefully went over the area again to make sure all the hair had been treated and then applied an amazingly soothing cream that took away any remaining tingling pain. She also gave me info on aftercare, telling me to avoid the sun, not to exercise for the next 24 hours (as the sweat and heat could cause irritation) and to exfoliate the burned hairs out of the skin starting after about five days. (After the five days I did notice a stubble like appearance on my upper lip but nothing a little exfoliating facial scrub couldn’t fix).
As soon as I got into the car afterwards I had to sneak a peak! I looked in the rear-view mirror and was pleasantly surprised. The area was a bit red and mad, but LADY MO WAS GONE! And she stayed gone for ages.
After about three weeks I noticed a few tufts returning but the following week, I had my next session and Lady Mo got hit again. As time went on she stayed away for longer and longer and now after only four sessions I am extremely happy with the result. I still have a bit of blonde fluff remaining (blonde hair cannot be effectively treated as it has no pigment) but for all intents and purposes I can happily say to myself that I no longer have “A MOUSTACHE!!!!”
Rest in Peace Lady Mo. And good riddance!
N.B: Since writing this article I have become a laser addict. I recently had my armpits treated. As the hair is thicker and darker there it did, I must say ‘hurt like a bitch’ but my god it was worth the pain! After one treatment, I have not shaved once in four weeks! Initially it took a white to exfoliate all the treated hairs from the skin but once they were out they did not return. It has been four weeks since my first treatment and I’d say only five per cent of my armpit hair remains. I still have three treatments to go but if this is anything to go by I’d say four treatments in total may be all I'll need. Laser hair removal is amazing. I totally recommend it. Next up. Legs!
This is an independent review in no way sponsored by Courtenay Cosmetic Clinic.