Firstly, what the fuck? Why on earth do we need special fanny soaps and wipes? Women have been using basic soap and water 'down there' for generations and it has always done the trick. As long as you wash your fanny daily with warm water and a gentle soap you are good to go. There is absolutely no need for extra wipes throughout the day. Well sure, if you are chomping on bushels of asparagus all day long and prefer to drip dry after weeing instead of using toilet paper then okay, you may need a little more attention in the muff department! But in general, the average woman's vagina does not warrant a mid-day 'freshening up'. And it definitely does not need to sprayed with aerosol deodorant!
The companies who create these products do so to initiate a sense of insecurity in their consumers. They want women to suddenly start questioning the cleanliness of their vaginas. "What is this? Vaginal wipes? Oh should I be using these? Oh my gosh, does my vagina smell? Oh my God! I haven't been using these at all! My vagina must have been smelling this whole time and I never knew! No wonder that guy didn't call me back!" This is what they want us to think. They want to make our vaginas a thing to fear. Well ladies. Truth time. Your vagina does not smell. Well sure it has a smell. But it is a good smell. It's your smell. And it is meant to be there. Just ask your man, I bet he likes it and would prefer it to a fake soapy perfumed fanny any day.
Vaginas are very clever. They are self cleaning. Yep they do their part on the inside and we just have to manage the outer bits. Yes that's right JUST THE OUTER BITS. We are not meant to delve any deeper than the basic folds. That is mother nature's job.
Ok I know what you're thinking. There are times when our husbands leave certain 'things' behind. These things can start to smell after a while. The good thing to know is that it is not you who smells. It is his fault. Stink dirty boys and their smelly little critters. In these situations, like after a mid-day romp, or some afternoon delight, you may wish to 'freshen up'. Gravity usually does most of the work, but go on if you must and give yourself a spruce up. But for gods sake just use a flannel and some water. It's just as good as a fancy wipe and IT'S FREE!
I was incredibly offended at the movies the other day. When I went to bathroom and splashed right across the door of the toilet I was about to use was a HUGE ad for fanny hygiene wipes. "KEEP YOUR HOO-HA HEALTHY" it hollered at me. How rude I thought, my hoo--ha is no business of yours. But apparently my hoo-ha (and yours too) is a market. Nothing is safe any more. Even our vaginas are being used to make money for the big evil corporate machine. Take a stand and don't buy into it. Don't let your muff make money for other people!