Christmas is just plain awful. The crowds; the excessive spending of hard earned money on crap nobody needs or probably even wants; the stress of not getting the right gift; the planning of the Christmas day; the to-ing and fro-ing from relative to relative just so everyone feels like you have made an appearance; the excessive eating that is never actually as good as it sounds like it will be; the late comers that make pudding into a midnight activity; the fact that every Christmas card has snow on it! I mean hello! Look outside! It is sunny you dick bags!
I wasn't always like this! I swear! I used to LOVE Christmas! I organised Christmas dinners and made everyone dress up. I baked. I sang. I went to Carols by fucking Candle Light. I was amongst it man. But having kids kind of made me an adult. Because I was no longer allowed to be selfish, I had to do stuff all for them and somewhere along they way that made me a little bitter. Don't get me wrong, It's not that I don't enjoy it. There is nothing more wonderful than seeing their little faces light up on Christmas morning! I do look forward to that part very much. It does make me very happy to simply make them happy. But. Even the most selfless people can't help but think: What about me? Where's my presents?
But fear not. I am determined to change my Bahumbugging ways. I am turning over a new leaf. No more grinching. I am a born again Christmas-er. So what do I do to get into the Christmas Spirit? Where do I start?
Well for one, I have informed Lover Man that the deal is off. From now on we buy each other gifts. Now that that's out of the way I have to get rid of my bad-Chrsitmas Ju-Ju. And to do that I have just the thing! A little bit of Christmas magic to remove the negativity!
De-Grinch your house. Before we move on to decorating our house it is imperative to remove the Bad Christmas Ju-Ju. If you are like me, your house will be thick with it! To do this we need to flush out the bad Ju-Ju and then replace it with some good!
Magic Spell for De-Grinching and removing Bad-Christmas Ju-Ju from your home.
You will need: Pen and paper, a white candle, a small bowl of salt, a feather, an incense holder and incense sticks of sage, pine and lavender. If you can't find pine, sandalwood will work too, but pine will add to the Christmas vibe!
Place the bowl of salt in the room of your home where you spend most of your time, like in the living room or kitchen. The salt will help absorb negative energy. Place the white candle next to it and light it. Now take a pen and two pieces of paper. On the first piece white down everything you hate about Christmas. Be honest and brutal. Fold it up and place it next to the candle. On the second piece of paper write a prayer to ward off any negative energy in your home and replace it with good. It can be anything you want, as long as it is special to you and you mean it. If you'd rather just wing and say whatever comes to mind it that is fine too. Take your incense sticks and stick them in an incense holder and light them. Now take your feather and walk through your home wafting your incense and reciting your prayer. Focus on the areas that you feel have the most negativity, like where the Christmas tree will go perhaps. Once you have been through the house the few times, place the incense next to the salt and candle to continue burning for a bit. Take your folded piece of paper which you wrote all the negative thoughts on and burn it in the candle flame. Throw any ash into the wind. Your home has been cleansed of the bad and replaced with the good!
Stay tuned for my 10 Things to get even the Grumpiest Grinches into the Christmas Spirit!