Just when you thought your nipples had enough to do, be it feeding your loin fruit, looking good in a sweater or telling you when it's time to light the fire, they go and top it off by providing insight to our inner being.
"But how do I read my nipples?" I hear you ask. Fear not, I have compiled a helpful concise guide to the ancient art of Nipple Reading for your pleasure.
The best time to study your nipples is when you are comfortable, not overly aroused and in a neutrally temperate environment. If you decide to read your nipples in a snowstorm for example, you may get a false reading!
Be sure to have a mirror handy, of course you could always use a trusty assistant, though that may lead to said arousal, which could also hinder the accuracy of the nipple read.
Though the boobs you see on T.V all sport identical nipples, that is not always the case the real world. When it comes to nipples you don't always get a matching set. Some of us have a different shaped areola on one side or one nip is inverted. Or one boob may be half a cup bigger than the other. These differences actually make you more interesting. If you do have notable differences in your boobs, take it to mean you actually have a deeper more complex personality! As the right breast and its nipple hold the insight to your past and present, the left breast and nipple area hold the secrets of your future. So take heed of any differences, tiny or substantial. They may mean the difference between a life on the same constant path or a total deviation to come!
Colour - Nature
When combined with a large breast, pale nipples indicate a gentle nature and a soothing caring personality. They enjoy serving others out of love and devotion. They are practical and considerate and do not thwart domestication. Oh no! They revel in it! These women are often attracted to careers where they are able to care for others, such as nursing, special education, elder care or prostitution.
When a pale nipple is combined with a medium sized breast it denotes a creative type who is somewhat introverted. PNMB's (Pale Nipple Medium Breast) are dreamers who like to linger in their thoughts. Thus making them rather intelligent as they do spend a lot of time thinking things through. Suited jobs: Artist, church organist, undertaker.
A pale nipple on a small breast indicates a slightly shy nature with a desire to be more confident and extroverted. They are generally quite academic and enjoy jobs where they be left to get on with their work, though have others close by to bounce ideas off. They are organised and efficient. They suit office based jobs, receptionists and could be a stage hand.
Medium toned nipples combined with a large breast indicate a confident woman who is not afraid to voice her opinions. She is a feisty one, who likes to make a stand against things she sees as wrong. The only downfall of the Large Boob Medium Nip is their inability to stop talking when they have gone too far on a topic. Suited careers include: politics, journalist, lawyer and nagging housewife.
When combined with a medium sized breast the medium toned nipples indicate an active woman with a motivated spirit. She is a go getter, a morning person who is usually cheerful. Career options include: Personal Trainer, Life Coach, Primary School Teacher, Dog Walker, soccer Mom.
A medium toned nipple on a small breast indicates a woman with a competitive nature who strives to be noticed. She is determined to achieve her goals and be the focus of her group, family or community. She is not necessarily a leader, but wants to be idolised in some way. Most likely careers: Actor, dancer, self employed person, blogger.
A dark nipple combined with a large breast implies a happy woman with a good sense of humour. She is warm and loving and often intrigued by other people. She is joyful and emotionally constant. Careers: Kindy Teacher, Cult leader, Air hostess, home-schooling mother.
Dark nipples with a medium breast denote an athletic woman who is active and in-tune with her body. She enjoys the outdoors and loves the feel of sunshine on her skin. She needs to exercise religiously and prefers moving to talking. She is not attracted to the arts. Material things to not appeal to her. Careers: Horse rider, athlete, gardener, DOC ranger, Blair Witch.
When paired with a small breast, dark nipples indicate a vindictive woman with vicious ways. She does not get on well with others as she is either irritated or offended by them. She finds it easier to stay away from people unless totally necessary. Careers: Detective, Stripper, Hired Gun.
Areola - Relationships
Shape - Friendships
A round nipple denotes a social butterfly who is excellent at juggling her many friends. She never forgets a birthday and never misses a party. Though she has a lot of friends, she is not close with all of them. She really only opens up to one or two of her close friends. No one else really knows her at all. She likes to be where the action is, she follows the fun and the party. While this party gal is fun, she is not always reliable for when you need shoulder to cry on.
Ovals are more likely to have about five very close friends in a lifetime. They are better that way. They struggle with acquaintances as they find it hard to make small talk. They generally feel deep down that they are a bit weird and if they opened up 'normal' people wouldn't like them.
A square areola implies a loner who is quite happy with one close friend at a time. They'd rather not go out at all and actually dread socialising. They hate parties, though they could tolerate a dinner party.
Size - Love life
Our small aerola sisters are timid in love. They take time to get into relationships because they are incredibly shy of anyone they feel an attraction to. They are likely to have a crush for ages but struggle to take the plunge and make the move. When finally in a relationship they are cautious at first, but slowly they unwind and become true, deep, mad lovers. They are intense. They do not fall easily, but once they do they are devoted.
Medium sized areola indicate a serial monogamist. These girls have been around the block a few times. They had their first boyfriend age six and the boys haven't held off since. They have a fantastic attractive nature about them which draws people in. They love hard but fleetingly. What makes them go wild with passion one minute, drives them mad the next. Medium areolas are capable of settling down, that is, if they want to. Trouble is they find the drama too much fun.
Large areola ladies are super loving. They have a lot of love to give and they love to set it free. They are comfortable and natural in relationships. They are honest and open communicators and can have no secrets with their lover. They are in it for the long haul so they are careful and considerate. They are romantics and love the idea of forever, it does not frighten them.
Texture - Family
Puffy areola girls like a large family. They are naturally maternal and crave a family of their own from a young age. They usually opt to stay home with their young children until they go to school, or the choose to home school.
Bumpy areolae indicate a woman who may have been raised in a small or broken family. While she wasn't necessarily unhappy in childhood she wants a different life to the one she has as a child. Therefore she may choose to have no children or more than one child - just so her kids don't feel lonely like she sometimes did.
These women are all about family. They love to include their extended family in all holidays and events. They never miss a loved ones birthday. Family comes before everything else in their lives. They are devoted parents, considerate siblings and caring daughters.
Wrinkled areolae denote a woman who is kind and loving though she does not crave a large family. She believes family comes in many packages. It could be just her and her partner and their fur babies, or her and her group of close friends. She is devoted to those she sees as her family, though not dependant.
Nipple - Sex
Flat nippled ladies are sensuous and romantic lovers. They love kissing and foreplay. They love to touch, and sniff, and stroke and they savour every moment. They see sex as a beautiful and loving way to express they way they feel about their partner. They are not obsessed with climax. Nor is penetration their sole objective. The whole event is magnificent and wonderful to them. Erogenous zones: Between the shoulder blades and nape of neck (gently stroked with fingertips).
The inverted nippled woman may at first be prudent about sex. Though given time and a partner she feels comfortable with, she is able to come into her own. She enjoys pleasuring her partner. It makes her feel powerful and selfless. It also makes her feel likes she in turn deserves to feel pleasured too. If made to feel valued enough, either by love or lust, the inverted nippled lover may become quite hedonistic. Erogenous Zones: Inner thigh (kisses), ear lobes.
A risen nipple signifies a woman who is highly sexual. She knows what she wants and she enjoys getting it. She can happily have a sexual relationship with someone without having an emotional connection. She likes to be rough. She likes to feel like she has been 'taken' instead of doing all the work. She is a shameless flirt and is not afraid to follow through. Erogenous zones: Lower abdomen (especially for biting), bum (light smacks)
Pointed (very risen)
The pointed or very risen nipple suggests a very erotic woman. She is highly sexed and regularly aroused. She is a dominant lover who likes to be in control. Her lovers enjoy her confidence and her passion. She likes to be rough with her lovers and enjoys it when they are pleasured by it. She may engage in role play senarios with her partners and is very open to trying new things. Erogenous zones: Feet, hair, shoulders.