"I shih tzu not," "Pugs not drugs," "Crazy Cat Lady," "Alpaca your things," "Your koalafications are completely irrelephant."
LONG LIVE ANIMAL BASED CLOTHING DESIGNS
I think I could probably dress myself in animal based clothing for a full year. The possibilities are endless. Here's a tribute to animal based clothing. You can't really go wrong.
"I shih tzu not," "Pugs not drugs," "Crazy Cat Lady," "Alpaca your things," "Your koalafications are completely irrelephant."
LONG LIVE ANIMAL BASED CLOTHING DESIGNS
By Mariana Collette
A vegan is someone who has a 100% vegetarian diet. They do not mix plant and animal products. They don't eat anything that comes from an animal - even CHEESE. Vegans are great. They are so self controlled. Even with all the food in the world in front of them, they still manage to eat only vegetables and legumes! Amazing. I can't imagine being able to do that. If I even smell bacon, I have to at least have a lick of it and if I see ice-cream....well....I need to have a lick of that too. All the best people are vegans. Ellen DeGeneres is a vegan. Fiona Apple is a vegan. Woody Harrelson is a vegan. Anne Hathaway is a vegan. Bryan Adams is a vegan ( I'm not sure if this counts).
Vegans care about the environment. They don't eat any animal products because they don't want animals to be exploited. Vegans are great because they are nice....and caring and they stand behind their values. Actions speak louder then words. It's really not their fault that they are boring at dinner parties and you don't want to invite them around because they are hard to feed. We should respect them, not pretend that we forgot to tell them about our wee barbeque get together. We should welcome them and not look down on their weird vegan snacks that they bring on a plate to gatherings.
The reason I admire vegans is because they stick to their beliefs even though it is HARD. It is harder to eat out when you are a vegan as cafes and restaurants don't cater as well for vegans as they do for vegetarians.
Vegans are of sound body and mind. Supposedly, they get all they need from their diet. Plants are good sources of iron, calcium, vitamin D and all that other good stuff.
Did you know that the word 'vegan' was invented by an Englishman named Donald Watson? He lived to be 95 years old!!! That is a good advertisement for vegans, don't you think?
Oh and also, vegans are better than everybody else :)
By Lisette Prendergast
Bloody vegans. For goodness sake isn't bad enough to just be a vegetarian? I mean come on, didn't somebody once say "A life without bacon is a life not worth living"? (No? Well they should have!) But then there are those who choose to shimmy even further down the rabbit hole. They don't just swear off delicious crunchy bacon but they wave goodbye to chocolate too, and most of the buggers do so with smug poise.
Yes, OK, I am jealous. Jealous of their restraint. I too have at various times in my adolescence and after seeing such films as Food Inc and Fastfood Nation, vowed never to eat meat or animal paraphernalia again, but sooner or later (usually sooner) I break and tuck into a ham sandwich or slice of pepperoni pizza. Personally I don't have food restraint. Even if I know something to be incredibly uncruel and also delicious, delicious wins hands down. It wins hands down every single time.
I guess this is why vegans bother me so much. They are so freaking self controlled and some of them so damn high and mighty about it all. Dedicated vegan Natalie Portman once said that she would not even wear leather because of the cruelty to animals factor. WELL let me tell you! I'm pretty sure if Ms Portman found herself stranded on a snowy mountain range in one layer of clothing and someone offered her a toasty warm leather jacket, she would gladly pop it on! So too would a vegetarian eat fish if he were shipwrecked on a desert island with nothing but his scaly sea friends for sustenance. Alas, such things are highly unlikely to be proven.
Another thing that bothers me is when pro-veganists argue that not eating animals and their products reduces carbon emissions. Ok, so if not drinking milk for example somehow reduced the demand, thus reducing the supply, which led to less cows and less methane production and less milk therefore less transportation of milk etc, even then it doesn't add up. You know why? Legumes. Vegans eat legumes like they're going out of fashion. Canned legumes. Legumes canned in a big factory and possibly grown overseas and shipped to New Zealand. Thats a whole wad of carbon right there. Yes some Vegans may buy dried beans and soak them. All I'm saying is if you're arguing carbon emissions then all your food better support the same argument right?
One last thing. You know what the hardest part about being vegan is? Not talking about being a vegan! Hahaha. Am I right? You know what I mean, when you're at a party. It usually starts with the vegan asking in a pinched voice "Excuse me, what oil are these crisps cooked in?" and the hostess replying "Oh, are you allergic to something?" Thats when the vegans eyes light up with excitement because they get to respond proudly "No, I'm a vegan." (AKA better than all of you!)
Donovan John Rocket - the birthday boy
It is almost time for my friend Lisette Prendergast's baby boy Donovan to have his first birthday. This got me thinking. It got me remembering a year and a bit ago when I was asked by Lisette to attend her birth. I cried when she asked me. It felt like such an honour to be asked to be present at such an intimate moment in someone's life. I couldn't believe that she was asking me for real "Are you sure?" I asked her over and over again.
Once I was sure she was sure, I took my role of birthing helper very seriously. I googled things like 'What to do when you are a birthing partner?' and 'What do you need to take to a birth?' The internet had many helpful hints - little boxes of juices with bendy straws to give the woman in labour to sip on, little snacks. I figured Lisette's partner Andy might get hungry too so I packed some little packets of chippies and muesli bars for energy. I texted Lisette: "Is it weird that I'm packing a birthing pack for you right now?" When I met her on my first day of high school, this is not where I envisaged our friendship going.
The due date was getting close and I was starting to panic. Did I have everything? Would she like the smell of the aromatherapy oils I bought? Did Andy like chocolate chippie muesli bars? But, I was also panicking for selfish reasons. You see, the birth of my beautiful girl was a traumatic experience for me (hence the reason she is still an only child). My memories of birth and the hospital (the same one Lisette was going) are upsetting and scary. Would I cope well with it myself? So, childbirth for me, was something to be feared. "Maybe this is what you need." Lisette comforted me "Maybe if you see a normal birth it will help you." I'm sure that it was supposed to be my job to comfort her leading up to the birth but of course it was the other way around.
The excitement was brewing. She'd been having a few twinges and Lisette felt that it would be soon. "I think I might sleep in the spare room tonight." I told my hubby. "Tonight might be the night and I don't want to wake you when I get the call. If I'm not here in the morning you know where I am!"
At 2am my phone rang. Lisette sounded like she was ringing for a normal chat "Hey, how are you?" "I'm fine....and you???" "Yeah fine." In the background I could hear Andy telling her to tell me to hurry up because she wasn't too far away from having the baby. What??? I jumped in the car with my ginourmous bag of birthing stuff. Now, I never speed. I have never had a speeding ticket in my whole driving career. but I admit that I drove very, very fast all the way from Waikanae Beach to Wellington and then......I got lost. Very frustrating. My sense of directions had failed me once again.
I rang Andy. He helped me with directions in between helping Lisette with contractions. I ran to the birthing unit. I was puffed when I asked for Lisette Prendergast. I ran down the hall to her room, knocked on the door, entered and was greeted with Lisette's bum high up in the air.
"My bums showing" she moaned
"That's OK, it's a nice bum."
"We're not far away," Andy explained.
"Show me the booties," Lisette growled.
There was a little pair of blue booties all ready. Lisette thought that if she looked at them it would remind her what all the pain was for. I fished around in the bag and handed them to her. She looked at them for five seconds before she said "I don't want to look at the fucking booties."
OK - the booties were a no go.
Andy and I helplessly rubbed Lisette's back.
It was time for Lisette to turn over (more of an ordeal than it sounds).Have you ever tried to turn a pregnant woman over?
The baby was coming.
I won't go into too much detail here. Just let me say, Lisette was very brave. I held one hand, Andy held the other hand, Lisette did all the work and then there he was! A perfect, beautiful little baby boy and suddenly in my head everything seemed right with the world. It was like there was magic in the room. A new life! a whole new life! My friend who I have laughed with, cried with, fought with, got drunk with, smoked cigarettes with and flatted with just pushed a baby out of her vagina (OK, I ruined it didn't I?) The world seemed brighter. I stayed for a cuddle and took a few million photographs then left the cutest little family to it. When Cohen met his younger brother he said "Hello my baby brother."
For the rest of the day I was buzzing. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I had just witnessed the miracle of birth and it was beautiful. Happy 1st birthday Donovan!
Love from Aunty Marinana xo
"Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker." - Ogden Nash, Hard lines
"In the land of the little, candy is king." - Le Petite Mania
Meet Simon and Dennis - soon to be eradicated if Gareth Morgan gets his way. I do see his point and I do care about native birds but then I look down at fat Dennis, who as far as I am aware, has never caught anything in his life, and I think "Oh, my sweet baby. I love that pussy cat." Then, there's the issue of our other cat Simon who kung fued his way out of a carry box when he was being transported to the cattery and is probably out there right now killing quite a few native birds (for his own survival). We hope he makes it home one day. I did not realise that New Zealanders were the biggest cat owners in the world! Cuddle up tight with your kitty tonight. Gareth Morgan doesn't want you to get another one. You can have a read of all the info here.
“If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.” - Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies.
This reminded us of ourselves. When things go terribly wrong...
We love this picture story of a special day.
Why is it we are often friends with people who aren't that similar to us? It's so easy for things to be misunderstood.
A healthy dose of cynicism from the Blogess....
We think Mariana Collette may have been a sloth in a past life.
PMS. Ovulation. Hungover. Tired. Whatever the reason, sometimes even the best of us get ourselves stuck in a terrible mood. You know the ones. When you hate EVERYONE and all you want to do is- well nothing! Because everything you think of is dumb and boring and everything makes you mad. You want to cry, you want to pick a fight, you want to punch someone in the face.
Well here’s 10 things you can do to make you feel better and hopefully kick that bitchy mood in the butt!
Print it out. Stick it on the fridge or give it to your boyfriend to bring out when you need it!
A good hard bout of exercise is a fantastic way to get the grumpy out. Go for a walk. Go for a jog. Take the dog. Hell, even just get out in the garden and yank some weeds out. Weeding is very cathartic.
Exercise stimulates various chemicals in the brain which leaves you feeling happier and less stressed.
Even just getting outside and breathing in some fresh air can help make a difference, but I find a good hard slog and sweat makes me feel worlds better. In fact, when I get ‘my bitchy on’ my Husband hands me my running shoes and practically forces me out the door! I always thank him afterwards because I feel so much better!
2. Have a healthy snack
Could you be hungry? Hunger is one of main causes of grumpiness. According to a study by Cambridge University students, hunger can cause anxiety, stress and anger. This is because when you're hungry the seratonin levels in the brain dip, causing us to become emotionally unstable. Do you tend to get into arguments when you have skipped lunch or dinner? Then you may be a victim of emotional hunger. Personally I’m a crazy person when I haven't eaten and if you are unfortunate enough to cross my path when I’m hungry then I am very sorry.
Make sure you eat regularly to avoid bitchiness and if it’s too late, have a healthy snack. I know! When you're in a bad mood all you want to do is reach for the donuts, chocolate, french fries et al (I'm a whole packet of hokey-pokey swiggles kind of girl). But while binging on junk food may make you feel better for the moment, it isn't doing you any favours in the long run. In fact eating crap will only bring the bitchy back with a vengeance after you hit the sugar/salt crash. Try pumpkins seeds, walnuts, avocado, dates, bananas and rolled oats as they can help boost seratonin levels.
Meditation is an amazing mood boosting tool. There are literally 100 benefits of meditation. But personally I love meditaion because it gives me an amazing mood boost. Immediately after meditating I feel calmer, more patient and my breathing is more controlled and steady. And I am way less likely to scream at my kids like a wild harpy. Give it a go here for free with guided meditation courses and information.
4. Have a bath
A good soak in the tub is a great way to chill out and have some 'you' time! Fill it up all the way. Use a fancy bubble bath. Put cucumber slices on your eyes. Oooh how about a facemask? Or some deep treatment conditioner in your hair! Listen to some relaxing music on your ipod. Heck have a glass of wine while your in there too, maybe even some chocolates and strawberries while you're at it. Hot damn, I really feel like having a bath now!
5. Watch a girly movie while painting your toenails.
Fantastically wonderful activity for a grumpy mood. Not sure what to watch? Check out this list.
Personally, for this task I love anything staring Julia robberts or Sandra Bullock.
5. Phone a friend.
I know! Talking on the phone is a dying art. These days we all seam to communicate on Facebook or Twitter but you know what? It's just not the same! Sometimes us girls just need to have a good old-fashioned vent session. Call your bestie and let it all out. Tell her all about your days trials and tribulations and soon enough I bet you will both be laughing like idiots. You won't even remember why you were in a crap mood in the first place.
N.B: Under no circumstances phone a ‘frenemy'. Doing so is likely to make you feel 10 times worse! Frenemies are awful for mood boosting because they relish in your misery. And DEFINITELY do not even consider visiting a frenemy in one of these moods, or there’s a good chance that you will be arrested for murder!
7. Go for a drive
Get in the car and crank up the stereo. Play your favourite girly music and cruse around the streets. Hit the motorway. Step on the gas and feel the car accelerate under your feet. Sing at the top of your lungs! Shamelessly. Really belt it out and add some head-banging for good measure. I recommend Katy Perry’s 'Teenage Dream' or Hole's 'Live Through This' for this exercise.
8. Write in your diary.
If you are not into venting on the phone to your girlfriends, or if said friends are not home, try venting to your journal. Write it all down. Why do you feel like crap? Is there something your subconscious is trying to tell you? Put pen to paper and let your thoughts flow. Write a poem even. After a while you may have figured out what’s bothering you and be closer to solving your problems.
Not keen on polluting your beautiful journal with this awful mood? Then how about writing it all down on a spare piece of paper and then BURN it! Oooh its so liberating to watch all those problems and niggles burn to ash!
9. Go to bed.
Being tired is likely to make you cranky. I should know! Thanks to my beautiful baby boy I haven’t had a full night sleep in a year and counting. Tired people are crazy people. There is a good reason why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. If you have had a late night or a series of late nights then it is understandable that you might be a bit grumpy. So if tiredness is the cause of your crankiness there is really nothing else for it. Go to bed!
10. Get it on
That’s right. Sex is proven to boost your mood. And its not just the big O that makes us feel better (though that definitely helps!) When we touch other people affectionately the brain releases oxytocin which helps to make us feel loved and happy. Combined with all the other endorphins and chemicals that come from good old lovin' it’s no wonder that having sex is proven to cure depression, relieve stress, help us to loose weight and live longer! Go on. Get it on.
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Lisette Prendé and Mariana Collette are BFFs. They met on their first day of high school and have been making each other laugh ever since.
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