WHAT!? Me? Enter a beauty pageant? An Undead beauty pageant? I thought. Well actually, HELL YEAH! If there is one thing I love doing more than most it is dressing up like a dead person! I, well actually we, have been doing it for years. When most 'normal' young girls were dressing up pretty, taking photos, Mariana and I always ended up giving each other corpse like make overs and taking photos. One year it was inspired by slasher flick Scream, the next we were influenced by some sort of evil doll theme. It should really be no surprise then that my four year old son is also similarly obsessed with zombies and the like. He even wants a Zombie themed Birthday party this year (to the disgrace of all the other kindy mums! But that is another story entirely!).
Once we had committed to my entering the pageant I had to fill in the entry form. Undead affiliation: it stated. What is this? I thought. Then we figured it meant - What kind of dead creature are you? That made sense. But which to choose? This is where things got a bit tricky. You see, as all pageants go, there is an 'evening wear' section, a 'Q and A' and then a 'Talent' section. This makes choosing your affiliation very important. The dead ghoul you choose must have the ability to perform. You can't just be dead and lie on the stage the whole time. Oh no. You have to build a character. A zombie is a good start but you can't just groan and demand brains the whole time. Nope. That doesn't make for good entertainment. You must first decide on the part you wish to play, and the talent you want to perform. After much deliberation I was stuck between a tap-dancing all American zombie and a sultry vampire from the eastern block who has a talent at playing music with wine glasses filled with blood. Oooh I really liked the idea of the musical blood glasses! I had an awesome skit lined up. That was until I tried to play musical wine glasses. That shit is hard! So Tap dancing All American Zombie it was! It was time to fill in my entry form....
Who is Zombarbie Brainstorm?
In her spare time she likes to dance. She used to be pretty good at it too. These days she has a bit of trouble. Her limbs aren't quite what they used to be and they keep falling off. It is so annoying. But she keeps at it. Never give up she says, especially not if it makes you happy! Tap dancing makes Zombarbie very happy.
How does she like being a Zombie? Well Zombarbie has been one for so long that she can't really remember anything else. She was turned in 1983 and I must say she has never really left that era. She still loves leg warmers and perms. Her favourite song is still Bonnie Tyler's 'total eclipse of the heart'. (It was a big hit the year she was turned). She does remember feeling fresher though. She tries to keep in good shape, but she is pretty sure she doesn't smell so hot anymore. It doesn't matter so much though, cus everyone stinks. Boyfriends? Yeah She had a boyfriend once. But she ate him. Or she ate his brains at least. She's tried dating other zombie guys, but they are all so immature. All they talk about is "check out the brains on her" or "I ate the hottest chick yesterday" yawn!
She doesn't feel like a bad person. She tries to be a good human/zombie being but it is hard considering that she likes to eat human brains. She wishes that the zombies and the humans could just get along. If only the humans didn't need their brains it would be so much easier. It's complicated.