Where does it stem from? This need to be perfect? Compete? To bicker and bitch about other women behind their backs? Why do we do it? Girl hate is strong. It eats away at society. It eats away at all of us slowly but surely.
“Oh my god. She got a boob job! What a vain bitch! I would never do that!”
“Wow. Those make-up vloggers are so shallow. Why don’t they get a life already! Who needs that much make-up?”
“She hasn’t vaccinated her kid! I know what a retarded bitch!”
“She believes in tarot. Yeah she’s a total quack!”
Let's. Just. Stop.
There is no wrong or right way to be. As long as you aren’t a murderer, you’re pretty much an okay person. As women we have the right to express ourselves the way we want. That means wear what we want and do what we wish to our bodies. If we chose to get surgery, that’s our choice. If we chose to wear a dress that looks like a lamington, again our choice.
It’s easy to compare ourselves to others and say “She’s different from me, which one of us is right and which one of us is wrong?” Thing is, there is no right and wrong. We are all fantastically different. Instead of pointing the finger and saying “Hey you, who claims to be a feminist but has fake tits, you’re wrong." Let's just accept each other. Let’s be kind.
I know. It isn’t always easy. Sometimes us women can get grumpy. I know personally that at certain times of the month I am a right dragon lady. But I do my best to be kind. Obviously other women will have off days too. And it’s only logical that if someone’s behaviour offends me, I may want to talk to a friend about it and vent. But what I try to do is vent but know that she who has offended probably had her own issues. It could have been a miscommunication. A complete misunderstanding that lead to conflict.
It’s sad. Jealousy is an evil beast that eats away at your insides. If left untouched it can lead on to an even uglier case of Jealousy: Revenge – where out of sabotage we try to deflate the person we envy.
“That’s a nice dress. It’s really slimming.”
“Wow you are so brown! You almost can’t tell it’s fake.”
“Yeah that’s a nice engagement ring. But I would never get married. Marriage is just such bullshit.”
“Congratulations on your promotion. Such a good job if you’re happy to work for a bank.”
“Yeah, your new boyfriend is cute. He’s not my idea of attractive but he totally suits you.”
Thing is, all of these comments are bitchy and you can tell the subtext is: I’m happy for you but not so happy as to imply you have anything that I want. I’m not jealous of you, if that’s what you’re thinking.
Thing is. It’s okay to be jealous of other people. It’s only human. The best thing you can do about jealousy is own it. Admit it. Use it as a compliment. Let it free and then let it go. It can’t eat you up inside and force you to speak with bitchy jealous subtext if you just let it out!
“Wow! Your hair is so beautiful. I’m so jealous! I’ve been trying to grow my hair forever but it keeps breaking off at the ends.”
“I love your dress. I’m so jealous cus I that style totally wouldn’t suit me. Looks great on you though.”
Even when it hurts.
“I’m really glad you got that job we both went for. I’m a bit jealous because I really wanted it. But I’m happy for you.”
When we shine a light on jealousy it loses its power. If we keep it locked away it grows and turns us into a snarky person. Much like the character Jamie Osborne in Bridget Jones: The Edge or Reason. “Talking to her is like swimming in a sea and being stung repeatedly by an enormous jelly fish.” Meaning, you’re going to get stung by her subtle, snarky little comments. I’m sure we’ve all met a Jamie Osborne before!
Let end girl hate by embracing our differences and daring to accept and honour them. By feeling jealousy and letting it go. By applauding women we admire and telling them they are awesome.
There is enough hate and sadness in the world without creating more. Let’s stop ripping down other women. Let’s start supporting them, applauding them and rooting for them to succeed.